We have to talk about what's bugging us, what we want from the other, our dreams and disappointments.
And we have to listen, really listen to what the other is saying. What happens if we can't agree on something important that involves both of us? What kind of physical touch best says “I love you” to you? What could I do that would cause you to pull away from me?
This is so obvious I’m surprised it needs mentioning. Masturbation as well as porn has no relationship to how sexually satisfied he is with you. Secondly, we enjoy it because it engages our most primitive instincts and lights up our brain. Women we are extremely attracted to and ones that we are repulsed by are also included. (He’s had issues with lying about things in the past- only a few occasions that I know of.) I don’t know if this makes sense.
What are your deepest wounds and how can I support you there?
What about my voice or communication style makes you want to spend less time around me? What do you expect from me that you should really be expecting of yourself?
I’m going to tell you something about men and porn that is so important, so profound, that I’ll write it in all caps, bold it and use italics…oh, and put it in red also: A man could be in the most amazing relationship, with the most beautiful woman in the world, and have mind-blowing sex every day, and he would still look at porn. It means nothing and you can’t stop it anymore than you can stop the tides. If a man sees a woman he doesn’t like he’ll have brief flashes of thought about how he wouldn’t like to do her. It is a curse and all men simply learn to disregard these images and thoughts. If one of the checkers is especially attractive, but has the longest line, we will probably take it anyway if we don’t look too creepy doing it. He swears this is the first time in our 15 years together (10 married) that he’s ever looked at pics like this. All his absolutes just make me not trust him- I mean, I’ve even seen some porn here and there?
Again, this so obvious it’s hardly worth mentioning. We don’t do this because we have allusions to getting lucky. We just get a kick out of being in the company of beautiful women. This means that we are attracted to most of our female friends.
All problems in relationships boil down to one thing: lack of communication. We are turf-oriented creatures, even with our most intimate relationships.
Whether our concerns relate to money, sex, kids, affection, career or any of the various reasons we fight or get angry, when we don't communicate our needs and discuss our differences, things will inevitably break down. We want to protect what's ours — emotionally, psychologically, and physically — often at the expense of those we love most.
To do that, you must divorce yourself from your personal needs long enough to put The most successful, intimate relationships involve proactive communication before a fight ever breaks out.
As stilted as it may seem, meeting with your spouse or partner on a regular basis to ask questions and learn about each other will protect your relationship from altercations and even better, it will create a new level of intimacy between you. What should I never say to you, even in anger or frustration? How much time and space do we need apart from each other? What activities and interests can we develop that will bring us closer?
There are lots of women that would make suitable friends. Why not put your effort towards the ones you find most attractive?
Initial sexual attraction has probably forged the majority of male/female friendships.
They will most likely ruin your life and your perception of women forever.